Taming Tantrums: 3 Gentle Discipline Tips for Toddlers

Temper tantrums are a normal, developmentally appropriate part of early childhood, especially for toddlers. Understanding how to respond to your toddler when they’re having a tantrum can mean the difference between a quick resolution and a total meltdown.   

At The Center for Advanced Pediatrics in Norwalk and Darien, Connecticut, our team knows that when it comes to managing a toddler’s tantrums, calm, gentle direction is best. With these helpful strategies, you’ll be taming your toddler’s tantrums with ease in no time.  

What’s behind that temper tantrum?

Between infancy and early childhood, your little one enters a dynamic period of rapid development known as toddlerhood. From one to three years of age, your toddler is busy learning to walk and climb, put words together, imitate behaviors, develop fine motor skills, and explore the world. 

But because their brain is still in the early stages of developing emotional regulation and impulse control — and because they don’t yet have the vocabulary to express complex feelings — toddlers are also adept at throwing tantrums.  

Triggered by feelings of frustration or anger about something specific (i.e., wanting a toy at the store), tantrums emerge when big emotions are amplified by factors like:

• Being tired or hungry
• Changes in routine 
• Having too many choices
• Illness; not feeling well
• Feeling overwhelmed 

Tantrums are essentially a way for toddlers to express how they feel. If you reward their behavior to make the tantrum stop quickly (i.e., buying them the toy), they’re more likely to have similar tantrums in the future. Indeed, for older kids, tantrums are usually learned behaviors that help them get what they want. 

Gentle direction for a frenzied toddler 

You don’t want to teach your toddler that their meltdown will get them what they’re after, but how can you calm your upset child and help them move on? Through connection, validation, reassurance, and redirection: 

1. Be calm and connect

The first step when your toddler has “lost it” is to stay calm yourself, no matter how upset you may be feeling in response to their tantrum. You can’t problem-solve effectively when you’re angry, so take a beat — and take a deep breath — to manage your emotions first. 

Give your child some space if they need it, but stay close by — model calm behavior and show them how to self-soothe with a few deep breaths. Then, connect with your toddler on their level: Physically get down to their eye level to let them know you’re there to help. 

2. Listen and validate 

Be present and listen to your toddler. Acknowledge their big emotions to show them that you understand, using a phrase like, “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated right now, and that’s okay.” 

Even if you can’t give them what they want, consistent validation and empathy can help them feel calm and supported when they’re overwhelmed. Don’t try to reason with them or talk through the problem at this point; emotional toddlers aren’t in a state to listen.  

Help them name their emotions, too. As toddlers learn how to identify feelings like anger and sadness, they become easier to manage. Avoid being dismissive: Instead of telling your toddler to “stop crying,” say something like “I know it’s hard when I say no.” This validation helps them move on. 

3. Distract and redirect 

Once your child has calmed down a bit, shift their focus to something else by offering a fresh distraction. At home, you might gently redirect their attention to a calming activity, such as coloring, reading together, or playing with a favorite toy. Offering your toddler a simple choice can help restore their sense of control. 

A change of scene — and some physical movement — can also work wonders in helping a little one fully move past their intense feelings and reset their emotional state. Try moving to another room or going for a short walk outdoors.

Looking for more expert parenting tips?

You can also reduce the frequency of your toddler’s temper tantrums with a few simple, proactive steps: Maintain a predictable daily routine, limit their choices, keep snacks on hand to avoid the “hunger trigger,” and identify situations that tend to result in tantrums so that you can plan accordingly.

Just as importantly, make it a point to “catch” them being good whenever you can, actively praising (and thereby reinforcing) their positive behaviors. 

Looking for more expert parenting tips? The Center for Advanced Pediatrics has been making parenthood easier for moms and dads for six decades and counting. To learn more, contact your nearest office in Norwalk or Darien, Connecticut, today.